Sry I called you an 8
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
