I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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