I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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