thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
