i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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