i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
