oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I wish there were birth control emojis
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
