i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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