Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
