There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
