I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
