This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
farters have to be the big spoon...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
