ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize