I accidentally had phone sex last night
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
