If i come over, it means nothing
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Randomize
