Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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