Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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