weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
