Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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