Where are you?
In a non slutty way
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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