i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
