i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
