I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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