Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
