I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I understand Curling. That high.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
