??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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