my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
