you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
