Im at strip club and am horny
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
