A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize