I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
