oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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