i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
