Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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