What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
