i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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