bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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