So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
