It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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