I accidentally burped into my bong.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
