I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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