If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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