I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
