She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
