I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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