Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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