cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
