I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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