I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
