I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
the liver wants what the liver wants
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
