guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
