I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
