Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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