2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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