I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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