she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
