i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
