you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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