im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
