how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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