I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
