She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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