Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
