I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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