i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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