She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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