i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Quick, to the slutcave!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
