I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
