somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
