Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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