I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
