Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm at about main and main street
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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