What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
